Desperately Seeking Happiness

The Ingredients of Happiness

2005-01-16T01:30:00.000-08:00

What makes us happy? What makes me happy? Does making other people happy, the key to my own happiness? Is it a mixture of several things coming together? Could it be a combination of love, money, friends, health, family and work? Or could it be just one thing, so strong and coveted, that once attained, brings happiness.... and if so, how long does it last? I only have questions, but no answers. So my odyssey continues..... I've always been a "short-lister", ie. Finding out what doesn't make me happy (doesn't mean I don't continue to do it or experience it). But if I continue this process of elimination, I'll be doing it till the day I die....Because the vast universe of emotional, financial, medical and professional variables are infinite. I seem to be looking back constantly, living in the past, if you will... because I know that so many times, I only realized what is valuable to me only after losing it..... could I have already discovered it but somehow, overlooked it or took it for granted and later lost it? Did I already have the answer all along......

Getting the Job Done

2005-01-09T05:58:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am once again. A chance to prove to myself that I can succeed in a challenging opportunity. I've put together a team that I feel has the goods to deliver. I am determined to prove that my style of managing people not only works (ie. Achieving the business goals set for us) but gives everyone a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. Maybe by helping others reach their dreams, I may find my own destiny and bring me closer to happiness.

It's strange and ironic to me that every intention I had was good but somehow, all I seem to cause is a trail of anger, heartbreak, sadness and pain. I never want to hurt anyone in anyway (emotionally and financially), but seem to do it with regularity. Is it the nature of the beast in me or some "curse" that I have no control over? Why then, do I possess such a strong conscience that tortures me constantly as the sins pile up?

First Entry

2005-01-01T18:12:00.000-08:00

This is my first ever entry into a "cyber-diary". I've tried saving my thoughts in so many ways, through essays, poems, music, quotes, etc... always hoping I would be able to look back on them and rediscover some new meaning in them when I see them again and learn more about myself. But they were never organized, just random thoughts that came to me in a "moment of clarity" or because of a particular event that triggered the thought.

A New Year has passed again and I still ask myself (everytime around this time) - Are you happy?

Sad to say the answer is still NO.

Then what makes me happy? That is the question I've been asking myself for the longest time....

I know I've felt it before but I have never been able to hold on to it. Why?

Maybe, with this blog, I would be able to organize my thoughts and begin my quest for a happiness that will be long lasting and not fleeting as it has been all of my life.